What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches and the other watches cells.

Veteran Pillsbury spokesmodel Pop-N-Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeastinfection. He was 71.Fresh was buried in one of the largest ceremonies in recent years. Dozens ofcelebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, The California Raisins,Hungry Jack, and Betty Crocker. The gravesite was piled high with flours aslongtime friend Aunt Jemima gave the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who"never knew how much he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business,but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered avery smart cookie, wasting much time on half-baked schemes. Still, even as acrusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Fresh is survived by hissecond wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was heldat 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

How did the chewing gum cross the road?
By sticking to the chicken's foot.

When do ghosts have to stop scaring people?
When they lose their haunting licenses.

This one Roman governor was a spontaneous guy, and he was often annoyed whenhis astrologer buddy had to consult the stars before they could meetfor a beer or go to the gladiator fights. Soon he got so fed up thathe stopped calling him. The astrologer called him a month later,claiming that he had turned over a new leaf.Incredulous, the governor asked, "OK, howzabout a game of racquetballthen?" There was a long pause. "What are you doing now?" he askedsharply."Hang on, I'm checking my palm, Pilate."