JokesAreAwesome.com 25 Top Rated Jokes A list of 25 of the top rated jokes in the joke database at JokesAreAwesome.com http://jokesareawesome.com/rss/toprated/25 http://nata2.org en <![CDATA[A rich business man wakes up one mornin...]]> <![CDATA[Part 1: One day a man with no arms sho...]]>
One day a man with no arms showed up at a monastery, asking if there was any work. The monk thought for a while and asked if he could ring the bell in the tower by running into it with his head. The man with no arms thought he could manage that and started his new career.

For several days, the man happily rang the bell. Then one day he slipped, missed the bell, and fell off the tower, plunging to his death. The local constable showed up and asked the monk if he knew the man. The monk said "No, but his face rings a bell."

Part 2:

Same monastery, few months later. A second man with no arms shows up and says he heard the monastery had a job for a guy with no arms (and an opening). The monk explained and the man took the jobs. He also happily rang the bell for a few days before slipping and plunging to his death. The constable showed up and asked if the monk knew the man. The monk said "No, but he's a dead ringer for the last guy."]]>
<![CDATA[A pirate walks into a bar and the barte...]]> <![CDATA[Jesus walks into a hotel. He hands the ...]]>
"Can you put me up for the night?"]]>
<![CDATA[ A woman was terribly overweight, so he...]]> When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping."]]>
<![CDATA[ A polar bear walks into a bar and says...]]> A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a brandy.........................................................................................................

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.......... and coke." The bartender asks, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear responds, "I dunno... I've always had them."
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<![CDATA[ A club sandwich walks into a bar. The...]]> <![CDATA[ Two atoms are talking: "Help, somebody...]]> <![CDATA[ What's blue and looks like a bucket? A...]]> <![CDATA[ What did the spud lover do before it w...]]> <![CDATA[ Two sausages are in a frying pan. One ...]]> <![CDATA[Doctor: "I've got bad news for you. You...]]>
Patient: "Is there anything I can do?"

Doctor: "No, nothing."

Patient: "There has to be something..."

Doctor: "No, nothing."

Patient: "Nothing at all?"

Doctor: "Well, you can start taking mud baths."

Patient: "Does that help?"

Doctor: "Not really, but your body will start to get used to being in the earth."]]>
<![CDATA[A man is sent to prison for the first t...]]>
The new guy asks his cellmate what's going on. "Well," says the older prisoner, "we've all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke."

So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, "Number six!" There was dead silence in the cell block. He asks the older prisoner, "What's wrong? Why didn't I get any laughs?"

"Well," said the older man, "sometimes it's not the joke, but how you tell it."]]>
<![CDATA[A man visits a monastery. At dinner he ...]]> <![CDATA[Jesus Christ is dying on the cross, his...]]> <![CDATA[Q: How many kids with ADD does it take...]]>
A: You wanna go ride bikes!!!]]>
<![CDATA[ A frog named Kermit Jagger goes to a b...]]> <![CDATA[A three legged dog walks into a bar and...]]> <![CDATA[ A panda walks into a restaurant, sits ...]]> <![CDATA[ Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fal...]]> <![CDATA[ A three-legged dog walked into a saloo...]]> <![CDATA[ How much does it cost for a pirate to ...]]> <![CDATA[ What do you get when you cross an elep...]]> <![CDATA[q: what's brown and sticky? a: parcel ...]]>
a: parcel tape]]>
<![CDATA[A man is driving through the countrysid...]]>